Dear Dave,
I have made many stupid money mistakes in the past. Even though I finally paid off six figures in debt a few years ago and am in control of my finances for the first time in my life, I find it hard to justify all the stupid things I did. I have an emergency fund and other savings set aside, and I'm almost ready to buy a house. But there seems to be a cloud hanging over my head over all my bad decisions. How do I stop thinking about my past financial mistakes?
Breathing
Dear Brea,
If you've had enough determination to pay off six-figure debt and build savings on top of that over the past few years, you're doing a great job! Many people would just make excuses or give up, but he taught himself, put his head down and got rid of all that debt. I am proud of you sir. What you have done speaks volumes about your character and self-control.
The late Maya Angelou once said, “Do your best until you know better.” Then if you know better, do better. ” That's your key, I think. Doing dumb things doesn't mean you're always a dumb person. Sometimes, we don't have the knowledge or guidance we need to do things the right way. But when you've learned a few things and realized there's a better way—a smarter way—you jump in and make amazing things happen. .You cleaned up your finances, and changed your whole future for the better. And you know what else makes you smart.
I think part of your struggle may be that you spend more time making bad money decisions than you do making good ones. That is understandable. But time will help heal that struggle. It will take you away from the old feeling until you have new confidence—not just in your actions, but in your heart and mind. I mean, think of it this way: If you broke trust with a friend, how would you rebuild it? First, it would take time. And secondly, it will take a series of reliable actions.
Let's say someone has had a drinking problem for a long time, but has been sober for three months. After three months, their spouses may still not trust them with the checkbook. I totally get that. It's a good start, but it's not like they haven't had a drink in three years. This is where time comes in. The more time they show a strong pattern of not going back to the bottle, the more evidence they have of why others should trust them.
I think you've established a pretty good track record of being smart with your money, Brea. So cut yourself some slack. If God is willing to forgive us for the really bad things we say and do, he needs to be able to extend a little mercy to you for the dumb things in your financial past.
— Dave
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