Inheritance can strengthen the relationship between siblings—making estate planning easier

“I think there’s an opportunity (to have) an inclusive conversation, if you can reach out and say, ‘Hey, I know it’s been years. I know we’re not connected, but Mom and Dad, they’re a little older … I’d really like to use this as an opportunity for us to connect and have some conversations,’” ​​McLennan said.

Access rights may not apply to all siblings, he noted, but individuals can at least continue with their jobs and responsibilities, including seeking professional advice.

“Making sure you’re informed, making sure you know your responsibilities, making sure you have the information you need, whether you’re an executor or not, and trying to get outside help you might need,” McLennan said.

Often, settling estates requires tax, legal and financial advice, he added.

If there is a lack of information from the parents, it may be natural for the children to fill that gap with assumptions or possible reasons for the decisions in the will. McLennan has seen children “blinded” by inheritance and seen the effect as siblings fight each other.

“Sometimes, if we don’t have enough information, we fill in the background story, and we might be wrong,” he said. “Sometimes we take what we receive as a symbol of love: ‘Mom loves you so much.’ He left you a business, he left you a farm, he left you something else.’”

But that’s a mistake, says McLennan, as there are many things children may not see. In his interviews with parents, they also worry that their children are being negatively influenced by inheritance, and often look at other family members, who are not related by blood—as their spouses.

The importance of communicating clearly

Ideally, parents should have communicated their intentions clearly to avoid any misunderstandings, said McLennan, but if not, avoid the blame game, avoid the breakdown of the relationship. Support your sibling, talk, and keep the family together—the latter is a priority, she added.