Every Thursday in 2025, I’ll be answering a question about money and/or budgeting. If you have a question you’d like me to answer in a future post, please post it here.
Today’s question is one I often hear:
“How do I get my partner on board with the budget?” -K
When my husband and I first got married, we quickly realized that we had very different views and opinions on the subject of money. Even though we were both raised by frugal parents and had lots of premarital discussions about finances, we still went into marriage with misaligned priorities.
Jesse is a spendthrift by nature. I am a conservationist by nature. You like to buy brand name and quality items. I like to buy whatever is on sale/the least expensive option that will get the job done (and if there’s a way for us to make our own or use what we already have, that’s even better!)
He likes to take his time and research things thoroughly from all angles before making a decision. I’m a very quick decision maker (my mantra is sometimes, “It’s better to make a decision, even if it’s the wrong one, then keep thinking about your options!)
If you’re struggling to get your spouse on board with the budget or finding it challenging to get your priorities and values aligned, let me start by saying: You’re not alone. Many couples enter marriage with different ideas about how to manage money—and that’s not necessarily a bad thing!
Here’s how we worked through our differences and found unity in our financial journey:
1. Accept That You Are Different
You didn’t marry your friend—and that’s a good thing! You need someone to complement you, and part of that includes having different ideas about money. Instead of trying to change your spouse or make them like you, accept their differences.
Early in our marriage, I made the mistake of trying to “correct” what I felt were my husband’s “excessive tendencies” (at least they felt extreme by my frugal standards!). But later, I learned that my husband’s financial management was wrong; it was just different.
Trying to force him to accept my opinion only created tension. Instead, I began to appreciate what he brought to the table, which allowed us to work together as a team rather than against each other.
Now I see that it is often worthwhile to buy the highest quality, even if the price is higher because it may work better or last longer and end up saving us a lot of hassle and headaches and money in the long run!
2. Learn to Appreciate the Difference
At first, there was a lot of frustration in our relationship with the constant push and pull of our spending/saving tendencies. Over time, as we learn to appreciate our differences and see the value of what the other person brings to the table, it has deepened our appreciation for each other.
My husband has learned to appreciate the benefits of thrift and even enjoys bargain hunting now (sometimes more than me!). On the one hand, it helped me to relax and see the importance of making financial decisions based on investments instead of just expenses.
And yes, sometimes we don’t see eye to eye on things but we’ve learned (usually!) to stop and listen to what the other person has to say, hear where they’re coming from, and take the time to find out. commonalities and how to reverse (see next step).
Instead of focusing on the ways your spouse’s financial habits frustrate you, try to see how their perspective might balance yours. Together, you can create a stronger, more balanced financial strategy than either of you alone.
3. Communicate and Agree
One of the biggest keys to getting on the same page financially is learning how to communicate effectively and being willing to compromise. This starts with having a simple, non-suspecting transition when you surprisingly learn about your spouse:
Some ideas for questions to ask to help you become more flexible about finances:
- How did you parents manage money when you were growing up?
- What parts of money management do you enjoy?
- What things do you find stressful and frustrating about managing money?
- Do you have any worries or concerns about our finances now or in the future?
- Do you have dreams of where you would like to be financially in the future?
You can also ask your spouse to test the questions on our Women and Money quiz and share your answers and hear theirs. This can be really insightful!
If you and your spouse are struggling to have productive conversations about money, I recommend asking your spouse if they would be open to having monthly Money Meetings. These are meetings without an agenda where the purpose is to review your financial situation, discuss goals, and talk about where you are financially. It is important that these meetings be a two-way street. Neither spouse should dominate the conversation or try to impose their views on the other. Instead, approach it as a team effort with open communication and respect.
The main long-term goal of these meetings would be to create a budget that you both feel comfortable with and use these meetings to review the budget. But start small with non-aggressive conversations about money where you just open up and share and hear your spouse. This can be a big step in getting on the same page financially and building trust.
Here’s a pro tip: When you present your concerns, express your feelings rather than blame. For example, instead of saying, “You spend too much money,” try, “I’ve been stressed about our financial situation and I want to talk about ways we can improve it together.” This approach invites cooperation rather than defense.
4. Set Shared Goals
Budgeting works better when it’s not just yours plan but a shared vision with whoever you share the budget with. If you are married, that means your spouse.
Sit down with your spouse and talk about what you want for the future of your family. Whether it’s getting out of debt, saving for a dream vacation, or building an emergency fund, having common goals can create a sense of purpose and motivation.
Once you’ve agreed on your goals, break them down into actionable steps and track your progress together. Celebrate milestones along the way to keep the momentum going.
Note: If you need help setting a budget or setting financial goals together, download my free budget tracking worksheets and financial goal setting worksheets — they can help you walk this process together.
5. Give Grace and Breathing Room
In most marriages, there is one spender and one saver. That is certainly true of us, but instead of allowing our differences to cause further conflict, after much work and effort, we have found ways to help us respect the way we are all connected.
For example, we’ve agreed to a “stipend” section in our budget—a set amount each month that we can spend as we please without guilt or scrutiny. This simple compromise has saved us from many arguments and made the budget work better for both of our personalities.
Remember that no one is perfect, and there will be times when you or your spouse make a financial mistake. Choose to focus on progress rather than perfection, and always extend grace.
Getting on the same page with your spouse will take time and effort. It will require a willingness to compromise. And most importantly, it will only happen if you are willing to listen, extend kindness, appreciate your differences, and believe the best of your spouse.
Creating a budget together is not just about managing money; it’s about creating unity in your marriage. By accepting each other’s differences, communicating openly, agreeing, and working toward shared goals, you can turn the budget into a tool that strengthens your relationship rather than a source of conflict. Remember: it’s not perfection; it’s about making progress together.
In time, you’ll both get better at it and your marriage and financial future will be stronger because of the effort you put into it!
What advice can you get from K who asked today’s question? Tell us in the comments!
Want to make THIS the year you finally stick to a budget?!
Tracking your budget doesn’t have to be complicated or difficult! Use these FREE Budget Spreadsheets Easily plan and track your monthly spending!
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