Dear Dave,
I am financially responsible, but my girlfriend is in a bad situation with her money and her job. You have a large car payment and a lot of credit card debt. On top of this, it takes about 40% of her take home every month just to pay the rent, and she quit her job because she decided she didn't like it anymore. He had a lot of ideas floating around, like filing for bankruptcy or moving in with me. She thinks that living together will help her learn to be independent with her finances. I'm worried that if he can't manage on his own, what will happen if we live together? Your advice would be appreciated.
Dan
Dear Dan,
I can't tell if he is dating yet. But when he starts, he really needs to sell the car and find a cheap place to live. I also don't know how long you've been seeing each other, but this is someone you should keep dating, whether he's married or married.
The hard truth is that bankruptcy won't solve anything if he has a heart problem. By “a problem of the heart,” I mean that if he buys things he thinks will make him happy and live beyond his control in the process. Many people mistakenly think that they are where they live or what they are driving. Those are the types of heart problems I'm talking about. And that's how I was years ago before the breakup hit me. It was then that I realized I had to make some big changes in my life.
Don't get me wrong. What I said does not mean that this sister is a bad person. It just means that he is still growing up to do it. And all important money aside, you don't just wake up and quit your job without a solid plan in place unless there's a serious matter of principle at stake, or you're a victim of bullying or harassment. Leaving one job for another is okay. But the idea of suddenly deciding that you don't like something, and walking away with a bunch of financial obligations, is just reckless. You don't jump on the dock until the boat arrives!
Again, I don't know all the details about his finances, but there is a good chance that he is not engaged. Therethere issome character issues in all of this need to be addressed, however. If it were me, I would suggest that he spend time seeing a good financial advisor—one with the heart of a teacher. Then, you can act as his support system to help keep him on track, and encourage him to keep moving forward in managing his money.
— Dave
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