Dear Dave,
My wife and I are debt free, and we live on a spending plan. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, uses credit cards for almost everything I buy. Many times you have gone overboard and run up unpayable balances. We bail him out when he does this, but usually the extra purchases are stupid things he doesn't need. Yes, we love him, and we feel obligated to help because my wife is his only child. But his behavior with credit cards is starting to put a strain on our finances. What should we do?
Charles
Dear Charles,
This is a difficult situation, made even more difficult by the fact that you are involving a close, dear family member. A blunt, but caring conversation is fine. But it needs to be initiated by your wife—not you. This is important, because if you try to step in and lead things, you will quickly become a bad son-in-law in her eyes.
You and your wife need to understand each other completely about this situation, but she is the one who should go to mom and talk. You need to sit down with her mom, and gently let her know that you've talked, and decided together that you won't get any more pieces of her spending spree.
Your wife also needs to tell her that you both are willing to help her work better in managing money, help her to make and live on a monthly budget. Your wife can even explain what you guys are doing, and it's one of the reasons why you're in such a good position financially.
Here's what it comes down to. You wouldn't buy him more drugs if you found out he was addicted, right? Just like that, you are not helping this lady by rescuing her every time she causes financial trouble. You're empowering him when you do this, and that's like telling him it's okay.
Work with him, Charles. Teach him, both of you, and love him. Let him know you are there to help. If things get worse, you can pay her a small bill, or buy her groceries if the pantry is a little white. I hope it doesn't come to anything too serious. But one thing should be clear. You, our people, don't bail him out if he doesn't behave well with money.
— Dave
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